Three Cheers for the Gruesomes ...

Would it surprise you to learn that I had a very difficult time justifying my pick for the D-E-S book of the year?  It's true.   Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was not the "best" book that I had read all year.  It wasn't the funniest, the most touching, nor was it the most thought provoking.  It was, however, the most entertaining and as such, worked its way to the top of my gift list. 

That said, as good as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was, it was not the only book that I shared with my friends.  For the boys in my life, I chose Andrew Davidson's The Gargoyle.  Narrated by a drug-addled narcissist , The Gargoyle is a "male" version of The Time Traveler's Wife.  It is a love story that transcends time and place and takes the reader through the depths of hell in a way that will remind you of Dante.  In short, it is a good tale and I would highly recommend it for a wintry afternoon.

Happy reading!  I wish you and your loved ones all the best for a joyful and prosperous 2010.  May your inner light guide your way.

Renaissance Men

The Book of Unholy Mischief
Elle Newmark
Atria Books

It would seem that I am in a bit of a rut.  It might be payback for all the fantastic books that I read earlier in the year, but my last few selections have left me a little underwhelmed.  Then again, maybe it's not the books -- I've been trying to re-connect with my inner Pollyanna and the glad game has proven to be a bit of a challenge.  Could it be that I'm not in the mood to read these days?  Hmmm ...

So, The Book of Unholy Mischief is sort of like a 15th century DaVinci Code.  The hero of the narrative is Luciano -- a street urchin turned kitchen boy who comes to be a chef's apprentice in the kitchen of the Venetian doge.   At the centre of the novel are the Gnostic Gospels -- a series of books that are wanted by powerful men for a variety of reasons.  The Church wants them so they can maintain their power and combat the idea of the "god within."  Other people believe the books hold the secrets of alchemy and eternal life.  Luciano's maestro is one of the guardians of this knowledge and, well, you can predict the rest.

On the upside, the author did provide the reader with some rich descriptions of early renaissance Venice.  Now if only there had been a more imaginative plot...  One bud of garlic out of five.

Is that you, Obi-Wan?

Long Way Round
Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman
Sphere

Well, let me start out by saying that I think our friend Ewan should probably stick to acting.  Writing, as evidenced by this travelogue, is definitely not his forte.  If you were to ask me for three adjectives that best describe this work, I'd probably pick "insipid," "navel-gazing," and "poorly-written."  So much for international bestseller.

For those of you who don't know the back story, a few years ago, Ewan McGregor and a fellow motorcycle-nut, Charley Boorman, decided that they would like to take the trip of a lifetime and bike their way from London to New York.  They were going to take the "long way round" by crossing Europe, into Kazakhstan, across Mongolia, and eventually through Siberia where they would then catch a plane to Alaska and cross North America to New York.  The journey took about three and a half months and their adventures were documented by both themselves and by a film crew for reality-type series. 

The book alternates between narrators and I think that is part of the reason why I didn't really enjoy it.  While I've never ridden across a continent on a motorcycle, I have done my fair share of  road tripping and I understand what it is like to be cooped up with the same person (or people) for days on end.  At one point in the story, McGregor mentions that the experience was sometimes isolating -- they were on the same journey, but not doing it together.  That's how I felt about the book -- they were writing about the same series of events, but they weren't narrating the same story. One muddy pannier out of five.

We are time's subjects, and time bids be gone

Wow -- why does it seem that every year goes by faster and faster?  I'd like to think that there is some super-cool scientific explanation, but if one exists, I couldn't find it.  Part of me understands that it is just a matter of perception, but if time is whizzing past now, what will it be like when I'm older?  Ugh ... I can't even bear to think of it. 

So, back to the the purpose of this week's entry.  It is with great pleasure that I introduce the nominees for the D-E-S Book of the Year.  Once again, it's a bit of a mixed bag.  I tried to expand my reading boundaries this year and the book list reflects those choices.  Quite frankly, any of the selections is a more than decent read and more than one has made it to the distribution list in terms of this year's gifts.

And the nominees are:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
The Elegance of the Hedgehog, Muriel Barbery
The Moonstone, Wilkie Collins
The Gargoyle, Andrew Davidson
Sarah's Key, Tatiana de Rosnay
Middlemarch, George Eliot
Anathem, Neal Stephenson

I Know You Are, But What am I?

The Know-it-All

A.J. Jacobs

Simon and Schuster

Part memoir, part compendium of obscure and admittedly, often interesting fact, The Know-it-All is the written record of A.J. Jacobs' journey through the Encyclopaedia Britannica.  Yep, that's right kids  -- the man read the whole damn thing.   In his "spare" time.   Um, yeah.  And you people thought I was nerdy.

I'm not going to lie to you.  I actually enjoyed this book a great deal.  Jacobs managed to find a good balance between presenting some of the quirkier bits of the EB and sharing some of the quirkier bits of his private life.  Over the course of the year that it took him to finish this immense task, Jacobs and his wife were also trying to get pregnant.  I hardly think that a thirty-two tome oeuvre was always the best aphrodisiac, but he was sure able to educate his wife on the testicle size of elephants and the sexual habits of the bandicoot.  The poor woman.

While there are parts of this book that are only skim worthy, if you like words, puzzles, trivia and history, The Know-it-All is a fine read.  I  definitely admire Jacobs' determination -- I'm not sure that I could have finished.  Three pairs of reading glasses out of five.

That Girl!

The Girl Who Played with Fire
Stieg Larsson
Quercus

Much has been made of Larsson's Millennium series and it got me to thinking ... is The Girl Who Played with Fire really part of a trilogy, or had the author lived, is it the second instalment in a much bigger series?  TGWPWF doesn't really exhibit the standard "book two" characteristics -- there isn't the expected lull in the action, a large number of new characters are introduced, and foreshadowing for events outside of the novel is almost completely absent.  In fact, I would argue that the lack of a story arc from Larsson's first novel to this one categorically excludes it from trilogy eligibility.  But what the hell do I know?  I just read this shit.

TGWPWF was, for me, a better read than The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  Wild-child and hacker extraordinaire, Lisbeth Salander, is in a whole heap of trouble.  Wanted by the Swedish police for the murders of three people, Salander goes into hiding unitl she can figure out a way to dispense of her troubles.  Helping her, of course, is the intrepid Mikael Blomqvist -- her former lover, editor of an investigative news magazine and one of her only friends.  There are more plot twists in this novel than a pretzel has bends.  Larsson could have wrapped up a bit sooner, but generally, it was a good read.  It makes me a little sad that Lisbeth Salander has only one book left.  She's one of the more interesting characters that I've read in awhile and definitely series worthy material.  Three scandalous body piercings out of five.

I'm Swede on You

Benny and Shrimp

Katarina Mazetti

Penguin


I'm not usually prone to words like "heartwarming" and "charming," yet I can't think of anything better to describe this novel.  Benny and Shrimp are an unlikely pair that meet on a bench in a cemetery.  Benny is "visiting" with his mother and Shrimp (whose real name is Desiree) is contemplating the grave of her recently deceased husband.  One day, the couple exchange smiles and it is as if Cupid has sent arrows straight into their hearts.  That's the good news.  The bad news is that despite their obvious passion, they really aren't that compatible.

Benny is a farmer on the outskirts of town.  His life is tied to the rhythm of his cows and he is looking for a traditional Swedish helpmate -- someone who can help him fix the tractor, warm his bed, and make fantastic meatballs.  Shrimp, on the other hand, lives a more cerebral life.  She likes abstract art, thoughtful discussions about Lacan, and is the head of the children's section at the local library.  They are both in their late thirties and not expecting to be seized by love.  But they are and it surprising and funny and beautiful.

I'm not going to tell you how this story turns out.  It's actually worth the read.  Leaf fans be on the lookout for a reference to our team -- I think the author might have had a crush on Sundin.  Three quirky moo cows out of five.

French Twist

Sarah's Key

Tatiana de Rosnay

St. Martin's Press

I've been putting off writing this entry for almost a week now. While I readily admit to innumerable flaws, procrastination usually isn't one of them and I've been giving some serious thought as to why the content for this post has been so elusive.

Let me start by saying that I really, really got absorbed by this story. I started it last Saturday night when I grabbed it off the shelf and stuffed it in my purse. I was heading out to my local Chinese buffet and, like always, wanted a book to act as my companion. As I opened the cover, I was immediately transported to Paris. It is 1942 and I am witness to a Jewish family being roused from their beds, torn from their apartment in Le Marais, and marched to Vel d'Hiv. Led by the French police, it was one of the worst round ups of the war. The families were first sent to internment camps outside of Paris and then to Auschwitz. Very few survived.

I turn the page to start the next chapter and I'm suddenly in present day Paris, in the same apartment in Le Marais, watching a modern French family discuss the renovations they will make to their grandmother's home now that she has moved to a care facility. As the story progresses, the mother, an American who is never quite accepted by her French relatives, starts to dig into the building's "history" and learns that her in-laws took possession of the rooms in late July 1942. The chapters alternate between heroines -- a little Jewish girl and an American in Paris -- and I am lost. I finished the book on Sunday and am thinking of it still. Sarah's Key gets five stars. Please read it.

Paranormal Activity?

Born of Fire
Sherrilyn Kenyon
St. Martin's Press

Question: When is a bad vampire romance novel not a bad vampire romance novel? Answer: When it is a bad "paranormal" romance novel. Okay, I admit it ... I made slight error in judgement when I picked this one off the shelf. All I can say in my defense is that I was lured into thinking that I might actually enjoy it when I read the words "alternate universe," illicit scandal," and "assassin." The main character's name was "Syn" for goodness sake -- how could I go wrong?

To be fair to the novel, there were parts that I enjoyed (and no, I'm not talking about the sex scenes.) There was a "character" in the book named Vik, who was a robot wicked sense of humour. The fact that a robot could have wicked sense of humour really intrigued me and I very much liked this instance of Kenyon's imagination. The storyline was also relatively interesting and had the novel been better written, I think it could have been quite something. One fizzling blaster out of five.

Moving, Harrowing, Insightful and all that Other Stuff

What They Wanted
Donna Morrissey
Penguin Canada

The bulk of my day today was spent in waiting rooms. Last week's craziness left me a little under the weather and I ended up heading to my local clinic to see if I could get something to shake a nasty bug. Stuck in a room full of wailing children, disgruntled immunization candidates, and more sniffles that you could shake a stick at, I decided to block out the world by getting into a good book. Already in a contemplative mood, I was ready for harrowing, insightful and moving. And boy -- did I get it.

Morrissey's novel was gut wrenching. Spanning the course of twenty years, it tells the story of a Newfoundland family that is literally and figuratively pulled from the sea. The story opens with the ruin of the fisheries and the patriarch of the family having to leave the sea and take up residence (and occupation) on the land. A generation later, his daughter and son take it one step further and leave Newfoundland to work the oil fields of Alberta. They are as much in search of themselves as they are in search of a livelihood.

There was so much feeling poured into the writing of this novel that it is no wonder that I was overwhelmed when I first picked it up. I definitely want to know what happens to this family -- I can only hope that Morrissey writes more. Four intractable clouds out of five.

Back Stories

My Horizontal Life -- A Collection of One Night Stands

Chelsea Handler

Bloomsbury

Life has been rather hectic lately and lots has been going both personally and professionally. Last week found me on a bit of a road trip and as always, I brought along a good book for the journey. "Good" in this particular case, was a novel by Donna Morrissey -- a Newfoundland author whose writing is described as moving, harrowing, gripping and insightful. Well, I got about fifty pages in, started to cry and decided that maybe I wasn't quite in the mood for moving, harrowing, gripping and insightful. Luckily, one of my coworkers rescued me and gave me something else to read. It couldn't have been more different!

My Horizontal Life is about as shallow and uncomplicated as they come. The author, Chelsea Handler, is a stand-up comedian known for her love of the drink, her sense of adventure, and her slightly slutty ways. The book is a series of vignettes about the ups and downs of being a party-seeking twenty something who has very little responsibility and a very, uh, interesting relationship with her family. There were definitely some laugh out loud moments in this memoir and its fluffiness was exactly what I needed to lighten my mood. Two moderately dirty martinis out of five.

The Mystery Project

Cover Her Face
P.D. James
Randomhouse

Have you ever wondered what makes a novel a "classic"? I suppose it wouldn't surprise anyone to learn that I think about that particular question a great deal. And I'm not alone. Most of the major publishers have some kind of "best of" product line and a quick search of "classic literature" on the Internet returns thousands of hits. While I could easily find scads of "must reads," I had a much more challenging time unearthing a list of standard criteria that qualifies a novel as a classic. So, faithful readers, I have decided to ask you. In your opinion, what are the characteristics of a classic novel and why. In a future post, I'll consolidate the feedback and report back to you on what everyone has to say. Who knows, maybe we will end up with a publishable DES book list.

As for this week's selection, Cover Her Face, by British author P.D. James, would, I think, qualify as a classic. Written in 1964, the novel tells the story of Sally Jupp -- an unwed mother, social climber, and frankly, a bit of a schemer. Sally, a parlourmaid, is found murdered in her room the morning after she announces her engagement to the son of her employer. Everyone has a motive and it is left up to the famed Inspector Dalgliesh to puzzle it all out.

This book kept me guessing until the very end. Well-written and surprisingly contemporary, James' writing is spare, precise, and very engaging. Three watching the detectives out of five.

One of my Better Blonde Moments


The Gargoyle
Andrew Davidson
Vintage Canada


A few weeks ago, I made a quick trip over to Port Huron to hang out with my best girl, Amy. It was a perfect day -- the weather was gorgeous, the drive was uneventful, and I got there early enough to check out a Target and buy a couple of books.

It was The Gargoyle's cover art that drew me in -- at first glance, it looked like it had been burnt in a fire and I picked it up to take a closer look. Upon reading the publisher's blurb, I discovered that the novel was about a man's descent into hell, his battle with his addictions, and the relationship he develops with a psych patient who is convinced that they were married in the fourteenth century. It sounded like a bit of a mixed bag -- but interesting -- so I thought I would give it a whirl. When I got home, I stuck The Gargoyle on my TBR shelf and didn't give it a second thought.

Flash forward a few weeks. The DES is at the drugstore buying Nyquil for a wicked cold and found herself in the book section. On the shelf is a novel with beautiful cover art of a girl with a pair of wings tattooed on her back. A sacred heart is emblazoned in the middle of the cover and I was so struck with it's beauty that I decided I had to read it. Yeah -- it was the Gargoyle. Same book, different cover. Sigh. Sometimes I'm not so smart.

Happily, it turned out to be a fantastic read and well worth the extra copy. In fact, I think it just might be in the running for the D-E-S book of the year. It was that good. Four smiling grotesques out of five.

The Art of War

The Savage Detectives
Roberto Bolaño
Picador

For almost a month now, I have been reading the same book -- Roberto Bolaño's The Savage Detectives. You would think that after having spent so much time with this novel, I'd have something interesting to say. Well, while I hate to disappoint, I'm afraid that this one is beyond me. Believe it or not, I actually had an easier time reading Joyce's Ulysses.

From a "plot" perspective, the story is about two Latin American poets hanging out in Mexico (and elsewhere around the world) during the mid to late seventies. Both men seem to be in pursuit of some intellectual ideal and are trying to establish a poetic movement called "visceral realism". Ulises Lima and Arturo Belano, the somewhat absent main characters, are inexplicably charismatic and are a constant jumble of writings, thoughts and big ideas.

In some ways, I think this novel was brilliant. There were at least twenty narrators who collectively manage to tell the "story". The middle section of the books is a series of interviews with characters who talk about Ulises and Arturo -- you never actually hear from them directly. The first and third sections of the book are narrated by a slightly naive, very ardent law student turned poet, Juan Garcia Madero. He is so passionate, so utterly exploding with emotion that it made the novel, in parts, a joy to read. Three decadent libertines out of five.

MizUnderstood

Emma's Table
Philip Galanes
Harper

Imagine my revulsion when, a few pages into the novel, I realized that the author had ripped the "heroine" right out of the headlines. Emma Sutton is a sixty something convicted felon who, having done her time for tax evasion, is trying to get her groove back. The face (although no longer head) of her home design empire, Emma's got a regular spot on Oprah, a line of housewares at Target, and a beautifully decorated apartment with a spectacular view of Central Park. Um, yeah. I must have been having a serious blonde moment when I pulled this one from the table. I mean, really -- do I seem like a Martha Stewart girl to you?

Much to my surprise, this book is actually a winner. While a good portion of the narrative directly relates to Emma and her realization that she needs to change, there are a number of subplots that involve other characters that are equally engaging. By the end of the novel, Galanes masterfully combines all of the storylines into a single climactic scene and contrary to my expectation, not everything gets wrapped up like a parcel under a tree. Galanes characters are all flawed in some way, but every single one of them also has some redemptive qualities that manage to shine through their frailties. At the end of the day, this book was a heart-warming read and not nearly as saccharine as the cover implies. Three frosted cupcakes out of five.

Single Schmingle

How to be Single
Liz Tuccillo
Washington Square Press

So the best thing that I can say about this book is that the cover art let me use purple font as part of this post. Um, yeah. It was that bad.

How to be Single is about a late thirty-something New Yorker, Julie, who decides she's tired of being asked why she is single. She's sexy, and pretty, and has a big-brain and a great job, and the people in her life (excluding her other single girlfriends) can't understand why she can't find a man. Frustrated, Julie buys an around the world ticket and sets off on a trans-global adventure to find out how women in other cultures can be single, happy, and fulfilled.

Julie first goes to France where she learns that a woman must have, above all else, pride. She then goes to Italy. I'm not really clear what she learned there, but she spent a lot of time being wooed by a Frenchman who had followed her from Paris. In Australia she learns that she must love herself. In Bali, she learns to fall in love (with the married Frenchman whose apparently not-so-proud wife hauls her pregant self around the world to bring him back.) In China, Julie learns that the grass is always greener on the other side; Asian men want Western women and Asian girls want Western guys. She also goes to Brazil, to Iceland and then home to America. You get the idea. Once back in the land of the brave, home of the free, Julie decides that relationships just happen and maybe, just maybe, there's a miracle out there for her. Oh barf. One Jimmy Choo out of five.

It is the nature of truth to struggle to the light

The Moonstone
Wilkie Collins
Penguin Canada

It took me almost four weeks to make it through this novel. Not because it was too long or too boring -- but because it was too good. When I first started the book, I decided to play along to see if I could figure out the "whodunit." Maybe I'm not too smart, or maybe Collins' is just a fantastic writer because this story kept me guessing until the very end.

Considered by some to be the first example of detective fiction in the English language, The Moonstone is a story about a famous yellow diamond that is said to carry a terrible Indian curse. Collins uses multiple narrators (all of whom are wholly unreliable) to spin the tale and he introduces his readers to the various types that are now standard in early mystery novels -- the bungling local policeman, the savvy gentleman amateur investigator, the mythic professional from Scotland Yard, the manor house as scene-of-the-crime, a plethora of suspects and the infamous red herring.

From a social perspective, the novel also had a lot to offer. Collins was quite liberal for his day and he had very forward-thinking views on class, race, and religion. His characterization of Miss Clack (a poor relation to one of the main characters and a tract-distributing zealot) had me in stitches. The novel was choc-a-bloc full of humour and pathos and probably should have been included on my Victorian lit syllabus when I was studying at university. Oh -- so many books, so little time. Three and one half candles in the drawing room with Professor Plum.

Incredible Hulks

Rapscallion
James McGee
Harper Collins

One of the last "conventional" books that I bought for my dad before he passed away was McGee's Rapscallion. For those of you who have been with me for awhile, you will recognize the author from an earlier post when I reviewed The Resurrectionist. I'll be honest ... the writing hasn't really improved and the characters are no further developed. That's the bad news. The good news is that Rapscallion had both an interesting plot and enough of an historical bent to keep me engaged. I daresay I actually learned something.

Did you know, for example, that during the Napoleonic wars, Britain used hulks (ships that are afloat, but incapable of going to sea) moored on the Thames as prisons? It's true! The living conditions on these ships were abominable and it was not uncommon for the mortality rate aboard the vessels to hover around 30%. It is said that on a warm day, the smell coming off of these ships was enough to pollute the air from bank to bank. Gross.

Unfortunately, while mildly entertaining and somewhat educational, Rapscallion was unable to distract me from missing my dad. In fact, I think it made me miss him more. In the last couple of weeks before he died, we had started to read this one together. It had been a long time since I had read aloud to anyone and we had only gotten a few chapters in before it became too much of an effort for him. Sigh. This one gets one sad and lonely star out of five.

Ooooh ... Candy!

The Sugar Queen
Sarah Addison Allen
Bantam

When I saw this book at the grocery store (yes, the grocery store!) I knew that I had to have it. I was getting ready to go up to my girlfriend's cottage for the weekend and I usually take at least a couple of books as, uh, well, cover. (It is so much easier being a little bit anti-social when you have a book to help you hide.) Anyway, as soon as I read the blurb on the back, I absolutely knew it was going to end up in my cart. Magic realism and a candy addicted, winter-loving heroine?! Whoa! How could I resist?

Josey is southern belle trapped in a bad situation. Her father, an incorrigible philanderer, passed away when she was nine and left her with a mother who didn't really love her. Bound by duty, Josey sticks it out at home yearning for an acceptance that she'll never receive. Her one joy (aside from the daily sightings of the gorgeously delicious mailman) is the secret stash of candy and travel magazines that she has hidden in her closet. One day, she's opens the door to access her cache and finds herself face-to-face with Della Lee -- a skankily beautiful, down-on-her-luck kind of girl who is a sometimes waitress, sometimes prostitute in the little town in which they both live. Della blackmails Josey into letting her stay and the story that develops out of this relationship becomes the basis for the entire novel.

Love, relationships, self-confidence, facing your fears, -- there isn't much that The Sugar Queen doesn't tackle and it is all handled with a dash of southern grace and charm. This novel is definitely a bildungsroman with a peppermint twist and I would encourage any fan of the "chick lit" genre to give it a whirl. Three tasty lemon drops out of five.

On the Road Again

The Shell Seekers
Rosamunde Pilcher
St. Martin's Press

Last Wednesday marked the first day of my "official" summer vacation. It was a bit of a rocky start -- my flight to Calgary got turned back over the Ontario/Manitoba border and the delay cost me my connection to Whitehorse. Six hours after my originally scheduled flight, I was put on a plane to Vancouver and eventually rolled into the Yukon a mere seven or so hours late. The downside to the ordeal was that I think I will soon be enrolling in some anger management classes. The upside was that it gave me the opportunity to read a couple of books.

The Shell Seekers is a lovely story set in the early to mid-eighties about a Englishwoman, Penelope Keeling, and her three grown children, Nancy, Olivia and Noel. The novel opens with Penelope returning to her home after a brief stint in the hospital following a heart attack. As most people do after a traumatic event, she takes stock of her life and reminisces over things past.

What I enjoyed most about this novel was how Pilcher uses beautiful language to paint vivid portraits of the main characters. Penelope and her children weren't always likeable, but they were so real that they could have stepped off the pages and sat down at my kitchen table for a cup of tea. Like most family chronologies, (think The Thornbirds) there was a lot of melodrama within the pages. There was also, however, enough of a story to keep me hooked and awake on a trans-Canada flight. Two point five stars out of five.

You Don't Know Me

The Shack
Wm. Paul Young
Windblown Media

I was in Minneapolis a few weeks ago having dinner with colleagues and I asked them what they were reading. Both had recently finished The Shack and both mentioned that while the subject matter was quite heavy, they thought the novel to be very uplifting. At the time, I felt like I was in need of some uplifting, so when I got back to the airport, I sought out a copy.

What a mistake! For those of you who haven't heard of it, The Shack is the story of middle-aged man trying to understand how God could let his six year old daughter be abducted and murdered. To work through his anger and his grief, the man returns to the "shack" -- the last known place of his daughter's whereabouts -- to confront God and ask his questions. I probably should have stopped reading once I figured out that God was a black woman named Papa. I kid you not.

When I read the online reviews for this novel, it became evident that the story either really spoke to its audience, or it failed miserably. For me, it certainly didn't answer any questions about why evil exists or even why bad things happen to good people. Then again, maybe I didn't like it because of my "good" Lutheran upbringing. There are some serious doctrinal issues with this text that even I could spot. I think if I'm looking for clear messages about salvation and redemption, I'll stick with my Bible. One faded star out of five.

Who ... Me?

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Stieg Larsson

Penguin Canada

I’ve been having a tough time trying to find the motivation to write this post. My dad died last week and things just don’t feel quite right. If I were a betting man, I’d say that I’m either going to be reading a tonne over the next few months, or not at all. Whether I will ever feel like writing again … well, that remains to be seen. I guess you will just have to check back every once in awhile to see if I’m still in the game.

So, while we’re here, let’s talk about this week’s book – The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I totally picked this novel because of the title (how could I not?) and I have to say that I was pretty impressed. While not exactly a thriller, this book was dark in a way that I totally didn’t expect. The basic plot is simple, but interesting – a forty-something journalist gets hired by a captain of industry to solve the 40 year-old mystery surrounding the disappearance/murder of his favourite niece. The journalist’s cover story is that he is writing a family biography and as such, needs access to everyone and everything related to the clan. The family is, of course, crazier than a troop of baboons and meaner than a pack of hungry jackals. The journalist’s crack researcher – the girl with the dragon tattoo – has a few issues of her own and when the two of them hook up, weird things start to happen.

Considering how crap things have been for me over the past couple of weeks, I’ve got to give Larsson his due. This book managed to both distract and entertain me. Larsson passed away a few years ago, but he actually produced a trilogy that involves both the journalist and the girl. I was intrigued enough by these characters to want to get to know them better. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo gets three Swedish berries out of five.

And I don't even like potatoes!

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
Dial Press
Mary Ann Shaffer
Annie Barrows

To Juliet Ashton from DES, March 2nd, 1947

Dearest Juliet,

It was with great interest that I read the latest correspondence between you and the members of the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. I have to say that when you told me you were packing up your flat in London to "investigate" the possibility of writing a book about the Guernsey Occupation, I thought you were a bit mad. We've all been so broken by the events of the last six years that I honestly felt you should just move on to other, less painful things. Your columns during the war were fantastic, of course, and just what we needed to lift our spirits. When you shared the islanders' letters with me, however, I can completely understand what has drawn you to that corner of the world. Their stories are just so poignant. I rush to the mailbox every day to see if you've sent me more letters. I'm hoping you do something lovely for these generous people.

Now, not to switch topics too abruptly, but I was speaking with a mutual friend the other day and he seems quite put out by the fact that you've forsaken him for a "bunch of farmers and old women". In fact, just the other day I saw that viper Beatrice Worthington hanging off his arm at the club. They were getting awfully close if you ask me. He's such a catch, Juliet, are you sure you know what you're doing? You haven't met someone else have you? Surely you'd tell me. You would tell me, wouldn't you?

I must dash. Charles and I are off to see a new play this evening and I have yet to find something to wear. I lost the better part of my wardrobe when our apartment block was bombed and I still haven't persuaded Charles to fund a new one. Sigh. Oh, apparently the show we're seeing is getting rave reviews -- five stars, I heard. I'll tell you more in my next missive.

All my love,

DES

L'Élégance du hérisson

The Elegance of the Hedgehog

Muriel Barbery

Europa Editions

I don't know if I loved this book because it made me feel somewhat educated and slightly cultured, or because it made me feel entirely dull-witted and slow. I definitely had moments of both while reading this text and I am sorely pressed to say which captured me more.

Set in an elegant Parisian apartment, the novel intertwines the narratives of two of the building's residents -- Renée Michel, the building's dumpy, slow, and stereotypical French concierge, and Paloma Josse, a twelve-year old girl, whose understanding of the absurdities of life would put Ionesco to shame. Both characters go to great lengths to hide themselves from the outer world. Renée portrays herself as others expect her to be and she lives a clandestine life full of philosophy, music, art, culture and custom. Paloma hides by retreating into herself, rarely speaking, but keeping a journal of profound thoughts and movements. If I were still an academic, I think I would be tempted to construct a semester-long course around this novel. You could easily spend weeks discussing the ideas that each character presents.

What made this novel especially beautiful was the author's use and range of language. Even in translation, I was caught by Barbery's lush descriptions and gorgeous phrasing. She can find the rightness in quoting a lyric from Eminem as easily as she can find it in a passage from Tolstoy. The book was just so full of Beauty that I felt like I was breathing fresh air through my eyes. Five heartfelt sighs out of five.

I Need Brains ... In a Good Way

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
Quirk Books
Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith


What do you get when you take a classic piece of English literature and add zombies, Shaolin-trained country misses, and the occasional honour-killing? Well, aside from the fact that it sounds like a perfect script for the next Bruce Campbell project, you get a fantastic read that makes you think about first impressions, class warfare (pun intended) and the topsy-turvy nature of relationships.

I loved this novel! I'm not exactly sure how Grahame-Smith managed to insert both zombies and ninjas into the text and still preserve that early Regency feel, but he did. His grotesque version of this story somehow enhances Austen's original work and his subtle addition of some off-colour humour about balls (um, of the dance variety) actually made me laugh out loud. Four decaying unmentionables out of five.

Somebody, please save me ...

New Moon
Eclipse
Breaking Dawn
Stephenie Meyer
Little Brown

Okay, I'll admit it. I caved. All of my friends kept going on, and on, and on about the Twilight series. "Give it another chance," they said. "It's sooo good." Um, yeah ... so good that it has taken me more than two weeks to find the motivation to write this post. Good? Are you people insane? I love a schmaltzy romance as well as the next girl, but the blatant anti-feminism almost pushed me over the edge.


For those of you smart enough not to pick up this series, let me give you a quick run down of the plot.

• Girl meets boy.
• Boy turns out to be a vampire and mires girl in all sorts of danger.
• Boy leaves girl (he wants to do the "right" thing) and girl loses her mind with grief and becomes a shell of her old self.
• With the help of her best friend (who turns out to be a werewolf), girls starts to piece her life back together.
• Boy gets into trouble and girl goes to save him which invites more trouble.
• Best friend and boy (sworn enemies because of the whole vampire/werewolf thing) compete for love of girl.
• Boy wins.
• Boy marries girl.
• Girl gets pregnant and the half-human, half-vampire foetus almost kills her.
• To save her life, boy turns girl into a vampire right after she gives birth.
• Girl becomes even more beautiful.
• Incubus baby drinks blood and eats food.
• Best friend imprints on baby girl and complicates the life of his pack.
• Boy, girl and best friend fend off threat from evil, old vampires.
• Everyone is saved and lives happily ever after. Oh barf.
  

I'm willing to give Meyer points for creative use of mythologies. She leverages just enough vampire and Native American lore to make part of the book intriguing to those of us interested in the fantastic. I cannot, however, get over the fact that every story line was resolved and presented to the reader with a pretty little bow. Yes, fairy tales are possible. I just want one where the heroine defines herself and isn't defined by her love of her man or the functions of her body. The entire series gets one drop of blood out of five.

Three Cheers for the Glad Game!

The Prometheus Deception
Robert Ludlum
St. Martins Press

While it is not my normal practice to use this blog as a forum for complaint (it is, after all, a book review site), let me just say that this last year has been pretty hard on me. My dad got sick, I had a terrible car accident, I was homeless for a couple of months, one of my dearest friends passed away unexpectedly, my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, and my dad has gotten sicker and won't be getting better. If you add the everyday crap to the pile (the occasional bad work days, the on again/off again relationship with my best friend and my growing hate for the 401 around Milton) I should be laid out on a couch somewhere undergoing intensive bouts of psychotherapy. But I'm not. And why is that, you ask? It's because I've found my inner Pollyanna and I'm constantly playing the Glad Game.

Take, for example, the subject of this week's post. I started to "read" the Prometheus Deception with my dad when we went for a drive to distract him from the pain. He's to the point in his illness where he can no longer comfortably read a conventional novel, so I picked up an audio book to see if that would do the trick. It did and he has spent lots of happy hours listening to one of his favourite authors. The fact that I became so engaged in this particular story was an added bonus -- see how this Glad Game works?

Now, about the novel ... Nick Bryson is a retired spook who had spent his entire adult life working for an ultra-clandestine organization called the "Directorate". After a significant period of adjustment, he has finally settled into his new life as a university history professor when he is suddenly pulled back into the game. Someone is trying to establish a global, supra-governmental organization that would threaten the privacy and security of civilization as we know it. It is up to Nick to track the shadowy leaders and bring them down. This novel was choc-a-bloc full of dangerous exploits, exotic locales, beautiful women and terrifying men. I was addicted to the story and could hardly wait for Nick to figure it all out. 2.5 action heroes out of 5.

Nick and Nora's Murder and Martinis

The Thin Man
Dashiell Hammett
Knopf Doubleday

Who knew murder could be so glamorous? Taking a break from their business empire, Nick and Nora Charles decide to spend Christmas in New York. Between going to shows, flirting, lounging in speakeasies, and drinking martinis in bed, the two beautiful people manage to find some time to help the police solve the murder of the secretary of one of Nick's former colleagues. Suspects in the case include the colleague's former wife, her new gold-digging husband, their odd children, and the secretary's gangster boyfriend. Yeah -- I know -- it's no wonder that they needed the drinks.

Like the Maltese Falcon, The Thin Man is very sophisticated read. I don't find Hammett's writing quite as hard-boiled as Chandler and in some respects, this novel reads almost like a Restoration comedy of manners. No matter how you look at it, however, Nick and Nora are a couple worth knowing. Three prohibition dodgers out of five.

The Tide that Binds

What I Was
Meg Rosoff
Doubleday Canada

Set in an English backwater boarding school during the early 60s, What I Was tells the story of 16-year old Hilary --a boy who has already mastered the art of disaffection. Having been expelled from two schools previously, H ends up at St. Oswald's and quickly settles into the same old routine of bad food, worse dorms and the torturous attentions of upper classmen. Just living in such a dour and dismal place proves to be an exercise of Sisyphean proportions. It all changes, however, the moment H meets Finn -- a boy of almost unbearable beauty who lives in a cabin at the edge of the sea.

H is taken with the young man on a number of levels. In fact, it is almost as if Finn is the mirror of what H desires to be --independent, confident, capable, smart and elusive. It has been quite some time since I have read a book that so captures the feelings first love -- the excitement, anxiety, fear and absolute yearning for someone other than yourself. As the friendship between the two characters grows, Rosoff takes her readers to an almost magical place where anything is possible. The real world eventually intrudes, however, and H's idyll collapses like a wave crashing against the sand.

What I Was is a lovely story in all ways. The author's prose was passionate, intimate and at times, left me breathless -- so much so that I want to visit the land, sea and sky that she has beautifully described. The fact the the story eluded my expectations was an unanticipated bonus. Three and a half wheeling seabirds out of five.

Romancing the Stoned, er ... Stone

Tribute
Nora Roberts
Jove Books

This past weekend found me up in the MoFo hanging with the parentals for the Easter holiday. I haven't been sleeping well in the last little while so my mom decided that it wouldn't hurt if I "borrowed" one of her sleeping pills. Note to self -- never read a romance novel after taking someone else's medication. The dreams are a little weird.

I am going to go on record and state that I actually liked this novel. If you recall from a few posts ago, Ms. Roberts had definitely let me down with her last series -- her trilogy was too long, too poorly written and the characters were uninteresting. Tribute has managed to restore my faith in her romance-writing prowess. This novel had a good plot, a mystery that kept me guessing, a hot graphic-novelist hero with an uber-cute dog, and an approachable, not-too-perfect heroine. All the right things to keep me entertained. Now if I could only figure out how to sleep. Sigh. Two point five superheros out of five.

Reading America

Run

Ann Patchett

Harper Perennial

One of the coolest things about my job is that I get to travel. Oh sure, sometimes it's a total drag, but if I'm honest with myself, I have admit that there are way more ups than downs. Take this past week, for example. When I left Toronto on Monday morning, we were in the middle of a freak snow storm. Tuesday morning found me running outside in shorts and tank top, watching the sun come up over the hills in LA. Who could complain about that?

Another benefit of being on the road is that I get to try on cities. Some, like Chicago, have the comfortable feeling of favourite sweater. I know I could live there and not feel out of place. Others, like Miami, are way more exotic ... kind of like eating a spicy new dish -- looks interesting, but you're not always sure that you're going to like it. Like travelling, reading can also let you try out new places. This week's novel, Run, is set in Boston and the city just pops out of the pages of this book.

Set over a period of 24 hours, this book is about family -- the ones you're born with and the ones you choose. It is about obligation -- both perceived and real and how that sense of duty nurtures and destroys. The book is also about love -- the kind that stretches beyond death and fills your soul with joy and sorrow. And finally, it is about secrets -- the unsaid truths that shape our thoughts and actions in unanticipated, sometimes unpredictable ways. In a nutshell, this book is about our own families. Read it if you dare. Three unhurried walks along the Freedom Trail out of five.

It's in the genes, baby, it's in the genes.

The Time Traveler's Wife

Audrey Niffenegger

Vintage Canada

I haven't actually been to the bookstore in a couple of months. My TBR queue is a little out of control from the wondrous giftage I received over the holidays and to be honest, I am desperately trying to save money. What the hell was I thinking in becoming a homeowner? The world is a cruel, cruel place when it forces you to choose between blinds for the windows or books for the shelves.

While I'm not exactly sure when I picked up this novel, I can tell you that I found it on the Chapters table of "great reads." From the publisher's blurb on the back, I knew it was the kind of book that I wanted to save for when I needed to lose myself for a little while. My timing, it seems, was perfect because once I started to read this novel, my everyday world faded away and I could think of nothing but the story of Henry and Clare.

Henry, as the book's title suggest, has a genetic disease that causes him to travel backward and forward through time. When he travels, he cannot take anything with him (he arrives naked and nauseous), he cannot "change" history, and he cannot control the length of his stay. What he can do, is visit the the older/younger version of himself. Can you even imagine what it would be like to drop in on yourself as a seven year old? Very cool. What makes the story so compelling is how it is told from both the perspective of Henry as well his wife Clare. Each chapter is time and date stamped with Henry and Clare's "ages" and often, each character narrates a portion of the text. I cannot begin to describe how intricately beautiful this love story is. I can guarantee you, however, that it will become a classic. Five weary travelers out of five.

Killing Me Softly

The Lovely Bones

Alice Sebold

Little Brown & Company

Over the years, I've known a lot of people who have read and recommended this book. To be candid, I was suspicious of its seemingly universal appeal and thought of it in the same way that I would an Oprah's pick -- it might be good for the "masses", but surely I wouldn't find it interesting. It wasn't until my boss tossed it on my desk that I gave it any consideration at all. I am so glad I did.

The Lovely Bones opens with the teenage narrator, Susie Salmon, telling you that she has been murdered by Mr. Harvey -- her neighbour from down the street. As Susie watches her family from a curiously godless heaven, her loved ones slowly start to disintegrate and then regenerate themselves in a post-Susie world. While the subject matter is a tough (Susie is, after all, killed by a serial murderer who never gets caught), the novel is uplifting in the sense that each of the characters end up in a place that feels "right" to the reader. Don't get me wrong -- it's not all sweetness and light -- but it did feel real and maybe that's the appeal of the novel. Three very friendly ghosts out of five.

Wizards of Oz

A Fraction of the Whole
Steve Toltz
Anchor Canada

Sorry that I have been away from you guys for awhile. Once again, my personal life has gotten in the way and left me with very little time to write. I have, however, managed to read a line or two and if you count trashy romances, I've knocked back three books in the past two weeks! Um, yeah. I'm definitely not bragging.

So, let's talk about the subject of this week's entry -- Steve Toltz's A Fraction of the Whole. I don't even know where to start -- this was one funny, if slightly acidic, book. The novel recounts the story of Jasper Dean, his misanthropic father Martin Dean, and his notoriously famous uncle, Terry Dean. This family definitely puts the "fun" in dysfunctional and parts of the novel had me snorting with laughter. Toltz's prose was also starkly beautiful at times, so much so that he moved me to tears. Think John Irving with a dash of Augusten Burroughs and a smidgen of Immanuel Kant. Yup -- it is that complex.

While I can totally appreciate why this novel was short-listed for the 2008 Booker, it boggles the mind that this is actually Toltz's debut work. I can't wait to see what he comes up with next. Four not-so-happy Schopenhauers out of five.

Just Friends

Strip Jack
Ian Rankin
Orion

Even though I've been crazy busy over the past few weeks, I managed to find some time to hook up with my old friend John Rebus. OMG ... it's so not what you're thinking. He's dating someone else at the moment (her name is Patience -- could that be more fitting?) and while I don't think they are going to last forever, she seems happy enough to put up with both his job and his lack of commitment. He doesn't seem any happier though. I wonder how long it will take for him to notice?

Anyway, even though it's against protocol, John also told me about the new case that he's working. It's an interesting one ... he and the team were doing a raid on a local brothel and someone tipped off the press. Not so unusual, except one of the patrons was a high-profile MP. As it turns out, the raid was only the beginning of the MP's trouble -- before the scandal could die down, his socialite wife turned up dead. John barely had time to talk to me -- he's heads down working all of his leads.

In fact, between the job and his new girl, I'm not sure when we will next meet. Maybe in a couple of months when things are a bit less zany for the two of us. We'll probably go to another restaurant though -- the location for this week's encounter only got three stars. The food was decent, but the place seemed a bit tired and formulaic.

Hurtin' My Head

Anathem
Neal Stephenson
William Morrow

A few days ago, one of my friends sent me the email equivalent of a chain letter in which he listed 25 random things about himself. In an ideal world, the recipients of his note were supposed to respond in kind, but since I don't exactly go for that kind of thing, I didn't reply. I did, however, spend at least a few minutes thinking about the types of things that I might write.

When I tried to come up with my favourite book of all time, I got stumped. It appears that I have a favourite song, a favourite colour, and a favourite city, but I can't seem to settle on just one "favourite" book. What about a favourite author? Well, that objective seems a little more reasonable and I think I've come up with a top ten.

The D-E-S Top Ten Authors, Poets and/or Playwrights (in no particular order):
Paulo Coelho
George R R Martin
Neal Stephenson
Robertson Davies
Geoffrey Chaucer
William Shakespeare
Edmund Spenser
James Joyce
Jane Austen
Margaret Laurence

Number three on this list, Neal Stephenson, writes super brainy, math-based fiction, and I think his latest offering, Anathem, has just made my top five books of all time. The story is narrated by a young monk, Fraa Erasmus, who wrestles with concepts of space, time, quantum physics, logic, and multiple realities. I'm not going to lie to you ... this was not an easy read. Once you start it however, be prepared to get lost in the 900 plus pages. It is totally worth it. Five almost Socratic dialogues out of five.

Booker or Bummer?

The Gathering
Anne Enright
Black Cat

I finished reading The Gathering a couple of days ago. I'm inclined to believe that it is one of those books that you have to think about for awhile before you can actually presume to analyse it. I can tell you right now that I could think about it for the next year and still not know what to write. It was one of those books that hurt to read.

The Gathering is narrated by Veronica, a thirty something housewife, who has just learned that her brother Liam has committed suicide by filling his pockets and walking into the sea. She goes off to England to retrieve his body and bring it back to Dublin for a traditional Irish wake. The story jumps back and forth through time in a decidedly stream-of-consciousness kind of way and we learn that Liam and Veronica shared a terrible secret that may (or may not) have led to Liam's death.

The secrets, sins, vices, and failings of the entire Hegarty clan are laid bare for all to see. In fact, the most compelling part of this novel is how Enright describes a family that is no more or no less dysfunctional than any other. There is a universality in her characters and the defiant vulnerability of the protagonists (both Veronica and the imagined ghost of Liam) is heart-breaking and achingly beautiful. Three and a half drams of whiskey out of five.

Fiends, Animals and Fucktards

You Suck
Christopher Moore
William Morrow

Over the past few months, I have spent a great deal of time in my car. The downside is that I don't particularly enjoy driving -- especially by myself. The upside is that I have recently discovered audio books. Thanks to both my kick ass sound system and my local library, the road is no longer a sad and lonely place.

Last week, I listened to You Suck by Christopher Moore. The book opens with the hero, C. Thomas Flood (aka Tommy) discovering that his girlfriend Jody has recently turned him into one of the undead. Like all good fledgling vampires, Tommy goes out and recruits a minion -- Abby Normal -- a sixteen year old goth girl who looks like a broken marionette. Abby is completely infatuated with "vampire" culture and lives for the day when Lord Flood will complete her transformation into a creature of the night.

Maybe it would have been a different experience had I read the novel instead of having listened to it, but the best parts of the narration were the "excerpts" from Abby's journal. When she called someone a fucktard for the first time I almost drove off the road I laughed so hard. Like all Moore books, You Suck was a hilarious. Three stoner stock boys out of five.

Ordinary People

Middlemarch
George Eliot
Penguin Classics

The problem with reviewing a "classic" novel is that everything relevant, interesting, or even slightly thought-provoking has already been written. Virgina Woolf once said that Middlemarch is a "magnificent book which, with all its imperfections, is one of the few English novels written for grown-up people." Um, yeah. Given enough time, I'm sure I would have come up with that line. Really.

Middlemarch, which was originally produced/written as a serialized novel, reads very much like the script of a daytime soap opera. The plot focuses on the stories/character development of three main families -- the Brookes, the Vinceys, and the Lydgates. The novel is set in a fictional Midlands town during the early 1830s, and like a modern-day soap, the different narratives intertwine and add all sorts of complication to the characters' lives. Also like a daytime soap, the novel explores contemporary social themes -- in this case, religion, class mobility, political reform, the status of women, the nature of marriage, love vs. passion, and individuality (self-interest) vs. the social good. Middlemarch is a big book about big ideas. The fact that it is also a delightful read is just a bonus.

And, while I don't normally talk about the author, I'm going to make an exception in this case. George Eliot, or Mary Ann Evans as she was also known, was an extraordinary woman. Shunned by "polite" society because she lived unmarried with her partner, George Henry Lewes, she was one of England's leading Victorian writers and intellectuals. Even though women were publishing at the time, she took a male pen name to ensure that her novels were taken seriously. At the heart of most of her writing was the belief that it is the mundane and ordinary that prove to be the most interesting. Middlemarch is a brilliant example of this belief. Four extraordinary ordinaries out of five.

Jane Eyre -- A Poem, by the D-E-S

Jane Eyre

Charlotte Brontë

Penguin Classics

Plain Jane, good and kind,
Met a man who knew her mind.
Loved him well despite his lie,
Became so sad she thought she'd die.

Plain Jane, a girl devout,
Left her man and ventured out
Into a world -- unknown and vast
Her soul adrift, her strength surpassed.

Plain Jane, a family found,
Joy and gladness all around.
But for the man she longed inside.
Buried deep, not cast aside.

Jane ... Jane, without a word,
His mind to hers, the call was heard.
To her Rochester she ran
Their souls entwined, their lives began.

----------------

Hey gang. I thought I'd mix it up a bit in terms of the reviews. I called my mom and read Jane Eyre to her over the phone (duh, the poem, not the novel ) and she gave me the green light to post the entry. The whole exercise seemed so Grade 5 that I figured I should pretend like it was homework.

Anyway, she said she'd happily take all criticism with regard to how poorly it is written and I cheerfully promised to pass it along. Oh -- and for the curious, Jane Eyre the novel gets 5 brooding heroes out of 5. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed it.

Postcolonial or Post 9-11?

The Inheritance of Loss
Kiran Desai
Penguin

When I was in grad school, postcolonial criticism was all the rage and as part of a number of courses, I had to read the likes of Said, Spivak and Foucault. While my brain is no longer capable of understanding and/or internalizing such big ideas, some of those lectures must have stuck because as soon as I picked up this novel words such as alternity, hybridity, otherness, imperialism and ethnocentrism immediately came to mind.

And it's true -- the novel, which is set in the foothills of the Indian Himalayas during the 80s, deals with all of these themes and how British and American culture, in particular, have altered the characters' perceptions of themselves. In addition to the collision of cultures, the story also examines the conflict between past versus present desires, the efficacy of terrorism, the gluttony of consumerism, and the cult of the individual. The more I read, the more I wondered if, despite the overt references to other examples of post-colonial literature, the novel was an expression of a post 9-11 sensibility? Is this even a legitimized critical approach? I would think so, but since I've given up academe, I'll have to leave it to the experts.

As for a rating, The Inheritance of Loss won the 2006 Man Booker prize so who am I to give it a score? I can say that it was lyrical, wise, beautiful and sad. In other words, a very good read.

May I have the envelope, please?

The D-E-S book of the year award for 2008 goes to (pause for drum roll and fumbling with a waxed seal ...) Diane Setterfield for her novel The Thirteenth Tale.

I absolutely adored this book and recommend saving it for one of those cold, rainy nights where you can curl up by the fire with a blanket, a glass of wine, and have the weather provide the soundtrack to the story. Don't plan on going to bed early though -- once you start this one, you might find it hard to put down. A few of my friends have written to complain of lost sleep and unproductive workdays. Do yourself a favour and start it on a Friday. Or better yet, take it up to the cottage and save it for a dark and stormy night. Enjoy.